


Toxic Love; Dramione

by MyaPie1



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drugs, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-26 23:27:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30113646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyaPie1/pseuds/MyaPie1
Summary: Hermione and Draco have more in common than they think. They both can't seem to move on from the war, and they love yelling. What happens when they get close and all their problems become one big problem?
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

Hermione was reluctant to return to Hogwarts to start her eight year. All students had to return to finish all their studies even if they didn't want to. She reassured herself that she would be safe with Professor Mcgonagall as Headmistress. 

Harry and Ron also didn't want to return, but not because they constantly had nightmares about the place. They both wanted to become Auror's and this was a setback for them.

She told them that it was only for a year and they would get the job with no questions asked, no matter how long they waited. 

Sitting with them now was different. She had spent the whole summer with the Weasley family because her parents don't even know who she is anymore. Harry and the Weasley's seemed to move on past the war very quickly, but Hermione couldn't seem to forget it.

At the train station, everybody else seemed as happy as Harry and Ron. It's like everybody forgot there was a war. She never brought it up to anybody because she didn't want them to remember, but it was still strange to her.

The trolley witch still came and offered candy like everything was the same, people smiled bright and were excited to be back, the Hogwarts Express was the same as always. If this was how Hogwarts was going to be, Hermione might go insane.

If anybody tries offering her words of advice and telling her to move on, she would hex them. it wasn't as easy for some people.

"Hermione, are you alright?"

Hermione came back to the present when Harry caller her name. "I'm sorry, what did you said?" 

"I asked if you were alright. You were zoned out for quite a while." he said

Hermione faked a smile and nodded. "just nervous to get back."

Harry nodded and opened his chocolate frog. There was one sitting in front of her, but she wasn't feeling very hungry right now. 

She had been having troubles sleeping lately, but on top of that she had troubles keeping any food down as well. Nobody else knew so far, and she didn't want to worry anybody. 

She looked down at the book in her lap 'Hogwarts; A History'.

Ron had gifted it to her shortly after the war. He said she could use it if she wanted to compare the second wizarding war to the first one. 

That was the last thing she wanted to do, but she accepted the gift with a smile. 

That was shortly before they broke up. Molly was most devastated, but it wasn't the best for us. it was just more of a convenience. 

Crookshanks hopped onto the seat and into Hermione's lap. He huddled into a ball and dropped his head on Hermione's lap. Hermione smiled at her cat and put her book in her bag.

A few minutes later, the train stopped. She looked outside to see Hogwarts in the distance. The ride seemed shorter than usual, but she was apparently zoned out for most of it. She grabbed her bag and grabbed Crookshanks in her other arm.

As she got off the train, she saw that familiar flash of blonde hair in the distance. She knew from reading The Daily Prophet, that Draco Malfoy was allowed back at Hogwarts for his last year under strict rules. 

There were a few others that were coming back, but they hadn't gotten the mark like Draco had to. They were back under less-strict rules. Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini, and Theodore Nott were the others returning. 

Even though she wasn't fond of the other Slytherin's, she knew the did nothing wrong. It was their parents who were the Death Eaters and they were now locked in Azkaban for it. Theodore's dad had the longest sentence. Not only was he a killer, he also abused Theo. 

She got to the carriages and sat with Harry, Ron, Neville and his girlfriend, Hannah Abott. 

The four of them talked for most of the ride and Hermione gave her opinion every once in a while. Except for when she spoke small sentences, Hermione was zoned out again. 

Hermione was hoping that doing work and going back to Hogwarts would make everything seem like it was normal again.

\---

That night in the Great Hall, Hermione noticed Draco sitting alone at the corner of his table. His fork was playing with his potatoes and he looked so tense. Theo, Pansy and Blaise were sitting nearby, but the other Slytherin's were as far away as possible.

Some first years were so upset when they got sorted into Slytherin. 

Hermione turned away and focused on eating her own food. Harry and Ron were deep in conversation about Quidditch, so if she were to leave now, nobody would notice.

When nobody was looking she grabbed her book and stalked out of the Great Hall. It was so weird being in the corridors again. 

She turned a corner and flashbacks immediately came back to her. Right down the hall was the exact spot the Greyback killed Lavender Brown. She felt her eyes water at the memory. 

Hermione raced down the halls until she was in the Gryffindor common room. Nothing bad had happened in this room, but she still didn't like it. 

\---

Draco hated being back at Hogwarts, but if he wasn't here, he would be in Azkaban with his father. His mother was lucky to only get house arrest. Draco wouldn't be able to stand the thought of his mother in Azkaban.

He got tons of death glares and stares while getting on the train. He was used to it because he used to be a bully, but now it felt different because he wasn't a bully, he was the boy who tried to kill Dumbledore and whose parents worked for Voldemort.

Without his arse of a father, life could have been great, but no, Lucius Malfoy fucks up everything. It was going to take a long time to fix the Malfoy name, so he decided to not give a shit about the name. His father could fix it once he was out of Azkaban.

Draco sat with his friends Pansy Parkinson, Theo Nott and Blaise Zabini. We got tons of stares even from Slytherins, but Blaise made them all turn away before I hex the shit out of them.

"Well, I don't really care about the stares. At least people are actually acknowledging me now." joked Theo

Theo always used jokes as a coping method. he also became the jokester or the group. Sometimes it was hard to tell if he was using a joke as a method or if it was actually a joke.

"Please...help me."

The memory of Hermione Granger screaming for help on my drawing room floor has been bothering me since it happened. I stood there the whole time and did nothing. I'm glad that my psychotic aunt is dead now.

"Mate, are you alright. You went a whole different shade of pale." asked Blaise.

He nodded and excused myself. Draco quickly walked to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I could still hear her screaming ringing in my ears as a constant reminder that I'm a failure

He cast a silencing charm on the room and sank to the floor. The voices in his head kept reminding him if everything bad he did in life.

"FUCK!"

He sat on the floor trying to Occlude until the memory became distant in his mind. He cleared his mind of any bad memory during the year before standing up again. Draco walked out of the washroom and made his way back to the table. The train would arrive any minute now.

Pansy and Blaise were deep in conversation while Theo was looking at the window. Draco sat down beside Theo and grabbed his bag.

"You were in there a long time. Are you ok?" asked Pansy

Draco nodded and fixed the cuffs of his suit. 

The train came to a stop and students started getting off. Draco followed the three Slytherin's off the train and through the crowd of people. It didn't make him feel better that anybody who came near him immediately moved far away, but he believed he deserved it. 

The four of them rode in the carriage to Hogwarts together. Not that anybody else would want to sit anywhere near him for more than a minute.

The ride was relevantly quiet except for Pansy talking every few seconds. 

The second he arrived at the castle, he was escorted to the Headmistress's office by Professor Filch. The hallways were almost empty because most students were headed to the Great Hall for the sorting ceremony and the feast.

He was led up the stairs and through the door. It hadn't changed much from when Dumbledore was headmaster. he quickly pushed those memories far back and walked further into the room. Snape's and Dumbledore's portraits stared down at him from the wall behind the Headmaster.

Mcgonagall was sitting at her desk. She gestured for Draco to take a seat, which he did quickly.

"I hope you know that it is a luxury that you are here and not in Azkaban with your father." she said

Draco winced at the mention of his father. He hated whenever anybody mentioned him. 

"if you step out of line, we will send you straight there." she added

Draco nodded and fidgeted in his seat. 

"Well, we better get down to the Great Hall." 

Her tone changed from serious to excited in a matter of seconds. It almost scared Draco. How the fuck could she be so happy, we just fought a bloody war. The thought swarmed Draco's mind while they walked down to the Great Hall.

It was even worse in there. Students were smiling and laughing at things their friends said and the room was fully of happy energy. Everybody was happy except for two people. He turned his head to the brown-haired muggle-born witch he tormented for years. She looked as gloomy as him.

Her skin was pale and her eyes were staring off into the distance. She didn't seem aware of anything going on around her. Potter and Weasley were deep in some stupid conversation. He scoffed and walked towards the Slytherin table.

He sat down at the end of the table and poked at his potatoes with his fork. He needed to write to his mother once he got to his dorm and he needed to make sure nobody took his stash of cocaine. He would need that if he were going to last the whole year. 

After at least ten minutes of poking at his potatoes, he saw Granger get up from her seat and exit the great Hall. 

He waited a few more minutes before leaving his plate of food and going to his dorm. He didn't have his own dorm this year. He was sharing a dorm with Theo and Blaise, which he would be fine with.

He was thankful that the hallways were still empty and that he didn't have any problems trying to get to his dorm.

His bag was already inside the dorm. He quickly opened the bag and sighed once he saw the muggle drugs he had bought. He tucked them in the corner of his nightstand drawer. He would worry about unpacking later. First he had to write to his mother. She wanted to know if everything went well and if he got there safely.

Draco pulled out parchment paper and a quill and sat at his desk. He dipped the quill in ink and began writing.

Dear mother,

I got lots of stares, but it's ok. Nobody said anything out loud (Surprisingly). Mcgonagall gave me a few threats, but that was expected. 

Everybody else has seemed to move on from the war, which I find to be bullshit, but everybody seems so happy. Except the worst person in the world. of course the only person who seems to be still struggling is Hermione fucking Granger. 

Her skin is pale as a ghost and she looks like she's lost a few pounds. I didn't even see her talking to Potter or Weasley. Maybe they finally ditched her?

Theo, Pansy and Blaise are doing alright. I don't have much to say either than that. Have fun at home. I miss you.

Love, Draco

\---

Harry told Hermione about the party in the Gryffindor common room the day before everybody went back. Hermione told him that she would prefer to stay in her dorm and do something else instead. He tried asking her a few more times, but she always denied. 

She was now in her dorm trying to Occlude before going to bed. She could hear the music blaring from down the stairs and the sounds of people laughing and having a good time. 

Not only were they celebrating winning and coming back, they were also celebrating Ginny becoming Head girl. Hermione had been offered the position, but she kindly declined.

Mcgonagall was confused at first, but Hermione told her that she wanted to focus on her studies. To be honest, she was taking way less classes than she expected, but it was already a struggle to get through the day before school started, so her current classes would do. 

When the music didn't stop after an hour, Hermione decided she would give up on trying to Occlude and fall and attempt to fall asleep without it. 

She changed into her pajamas and got under her covers. It was hard to fall asleep when her mind was swarming with thoughts and the loud music from downstairs, but her mind finally calmed and he eyelids fluttered close.

"How did you get that sword!" scream Bellatrix

Bellatrix hovered over Hermione with a blade in her hand. She had already made it past the cruciatus curse twice. 

"We didn't take it, please." she pleaded

Bellatrix brought the knife to her arm and carved eight letters into her arm. Mudblood. The screaming and pain seemed to last forever. She went through all that with the Malfoy's behind Bellatrix, watching her in pain.

Hermione woke up in a sweat and grabbed the bucket beside her bed. She leaned over the bucket and threw up all the food she had eaten the day before. it didn't stop until she was throwing up stomach acid that burned her throat. 

She banished the mess and put the bucket back down once she was done. Ginny and Parvati were asleep in their beds, unaware as to what had just happened. 

Hermione leaned against her pillows and put her hands on her throbbing temple. 

It was just a nightmare. She is dead.

She kept reminding herself that Bellatrix was dead and could never harm her physically again. It sunk in after a few minutes.

Once her body had stopped sweating and shaking, Hermione got back under her covers and tried to occlude again. Her mind was wide awake and she was able to occlude. That should stop the nightmares for the night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione and Draco's first day back are similar. They both are trying to figure each other out, and they can never concentrate on what is going on in class.

The next day was going to be the first day of classes. Normally, Hermione would be excited for the first day of school, but this year she was dreading it. 

She was always known as the smart girl and the one with perfect grades. Girls and boys of all ages looked up to her, and she was expected to keep the act up. 

She wasn't sure how she was going to make it through the day. Even while Occluded last night, she still didn't sleep much after having the nightmare. 

She used a few glamour charms to make her hair less frizzy and to hide the tired look on her face. She changed into her Gryffindor uniform and grabbed her wand off her nightstand before going down to the Great Hall for breakfast. 

When she opened the door, lots of eyes turned to her. Some of the younger girls stared at her in awe while some others glared at her. She wasn't much to look at, and she wasn't sure how she was liking the attention. Well, that's what happens when your best friends with Harry Potter.

Speaking of Harry Potter, Harry and Ron waved her over to their table with smiles on their faces. She walks over to the table and sits down across from her two best friends. 

"Are you excited for our first day back?" asked Ron

She shook her head and looked down at the table. She could hear Harry gasp in a joking manner. 

"The smartest girl I know isn't excited for her first day back?" teased Harry

Hermione fought the urge to scoff. She instead stared down at her bag on the floor. She was taking all the necessary classes this year, but nothing extra. 

"Is this some prank?" asked Ron

Hermione looked up and shook her head. She picked up her fork and angrily stabbed her pancake. God, she needed something to let her anger out on right now. 

Just as she thought that-- a familiar blonde walked into the room. He wasn't smirking at anybody or had his head held high. Instead, he was looking down at the ground and was slightly slouching.

"He doesn't look so well." said Ron. He smirked as he watched Malfoy sit down at the end of the table.

"Don't be mean. His father is in Azkaban and his mother is on house arrest. Don't forget that he could also end up in Azkaban if he doesn't behave." said Hermione

Ron scoffed and took a large bite out of his toast. "We can only hope." he joked

She hit him hard in the arm with her book before slouching down the bench. "If you say one more word, I will hex you senseless." 

Ron stopped talking as he saw that dangerous glare in her brown eyes.

She looked back at Draco. He had bags under his eyes and he slowly brought the fork to his mouth. He looked way worse than Hermione did. he looked as though he could burst at any second. 

As much as Hermione hated him, she couldn't help but pity him. It must be hard for him to be back when everybody wants him dead. 

\---

Draco walked in the room a few minutes after Hermione. He was looking down at the floor. He walked to the back of the class and sat down at the table across from her.

Hermione looked away as either students started to pile into the room. Students were talking and laughing with each other like it was a normal school day.

Professor Slughorn cleared his throat and started his lesson for the day. Hermione tried focusing on the words on the board and what the professor was saying, but the words jumbled together and the world around her was fuzzy.

She barely recognized that the class had ended and she was walking to her next class. She looked down at the assignment that was placed in her hand. 

Hermione homed Draco Malfoy for her lack of focus. She couldn't stop thinking about him all class. she wonders if they are more alike than they think. 

They both had battle scars, they both hated their lives and they both seemed to want to end this year already.

Maybe Draco Malfoy wasn't as bad as she thought. He was just bit rough on the outside. He never had a choice. 

The day went by in a blur. She would eat, go to classes, attempt to concentrate, and end up thinking about Draco Malfoy.

You already are struggling to take care of yourself. Why should you worry about Malfoy? 

The thought kept pooping up in Hermione's mind and she always told it that's she didn't care about Draco, she was just concerned.

—-

Draco walked into the potions classroom and noticed Granger staring at him. She was probably plotting a way to get him expelled. He wouldn't blame her.

He glared at her and walked to the back of the classroom. 

He could tell that she was staring at him all class. He didn't turn in her direction and he pretended she didn't exist. 

For once she wasn't there trying to answer every question and walking around the school like she owned the place. 

She was broken.

And so was he.

He grabbed his work and walked out of the classroom after everybody else. He had a free period now. 

He walked to his dorm and pulled his stash out of his nightstand. He wasn't going to last the whole day without some drugs. 

He pulled some of the white powder out of the bag and put It on his desk. He used his I.d to make it into a perfect line.

He closed his right nostril and moved his face close close to the cocaine.

He snorted the powder through his left nostril and shook his head as the drugs ran through his brain and began working.

His eyes turned bloodshot and his body filled with energy. 

Draco walked over to his bed and sat down. He couldn't decided if he wanted to drink some Firewhisky as well, but in the end, he didn't. The alcohol and drugs wouldn't mix together very well.

The drugs numbed all feeling enough that he didn't really need the alcohol. It wouldn't be a good idea to go to class drunk anyways. He wasn't trying to go to Azkaban already.

He grabbed the watch on his nightstand and turned it over. He had ten minutes before his next glass.

He groaned and rolled out of bed. He wouldn't be able to pay attention to any of this class while on the drugs, but he really couldn't give a shit.

He grabbed his bags and walked out of his dorm. Next he had Herbology with Professor Sprout. 

The classroom was far from the Slytherin common room, so walking there would be a pain in the arse.

A few people spat insults at him, but he only nodded and smirked. Other people only glared, but he knew they wanted to hex the shit out of him.

He walked into the classroom and stood farthest away from the teacher. He was the last one in and all eyes turned to him, but they turned away just as quickly as they had looked.

But Hermione was still looking at him. She noticed his bloodshot eyes and energetic look. She wondered what had changed in his mood. 

She noticed that he looked like he was paying attention the whole class, but she knew he actually wasn't. 

She wanted to figure out more about him because one she had her mind set on something—she wanted to know everything about it.

—-

Hermione walked out of Herbology class with a bunch of questions about Draco swirling in her mind. They would probably never get answered which made it worse.

She walked into the Gryffindor common room and sat down on the couch. Nobody should be here right now. Most people would be in the Great Hall for lunch.

Hermione opened her book and looked at the assignment that had been placed in her hand first period. 

The assignment was to make Dreamless sleep potion. It wasn't due for two weeks and it only took a few hours to make. 

She closed the book and looked at the assignment for Herbology. Her job was to plant an apple tree and charm it to grow three times faster than the normal speed. 

The common room door opened and closed a few seconds later. Hermione turned around to see Harry and Ron walking towards her.

They sat down on both sides of her and placed their bags on the table. 

"Are you sure you are alright, Hermione. You don't look so good." Said Harry

"Yeah, you were zoned out all day today." Added Ron

Hermione faked another smile again and nodded. "I'm fine guys. It's just the fright of being back here." 

Ron shook his head . "That's bullshit, you have been pale like this all summer. It's just gotten worse now." 

Hermione sighed and put her books down. "Have you noticed how bad Malfoy looks?" 

Harry and Ron both nodded. 

"We are more concerned about you right now. Do you want to talk to Headmistress McGonagall, I bet she could help." Said Harry

"I'm fine Harry." She replied

Harry and Ron got up and took their bags. "Well then, we will see you later."

Hermione nodded and walked up to her dorm room. She only had the three periods today. 

She opened the door and dropped her bag on the desk. She would learn the dreamless sleep potion tomorrow morning. It was probably planned for everybody to learn that potion first. Maybe she wasn't the only one who had troubles sleeping. 

Hermione got on her bed and got comfortable under the covers. She closed her eyes and stored through the memories of the day. She put all the questions about Malfoy in a new book and locked them away.

She checked the locks on all the other books that were sorted in her mind. 

Once she knew all bad memories were locked away, she opened her eyes and found fluffed up her pillows.

With a flick of her wand, the lights in the room went off and all the curtains closed. She was going to sleep off the headache that was forming in her head.

"Harry Potter, is dead!" Said Voldemort

Hermione was waiting for Harry to move, but he didn't. Harry wasn't moving at all and way too much time had passed.

Hagrid put down his body and was pulled back. Harry's head turned to the side. His eyes were empty and his skin was pale as a ghost.

"You will now all serve me." Said Voldemort

The Death Eaters began laughing, but Hermione couldn't tear her eyes away from Harry. He was supposed to move. He was supposed to be able to survive. 

Ginny was being held back by Arthur Weasley. Ron was also frozen in place, unable to believe the sight in front of him.

Hermione turned back to Harry's body and felt the tears roll down her face.

Harry was actually dead. Voldemort had won. They were all going to die. Or worse, they were all going to be tortured.

Hermione woke up sweating. Tears were actually rolling down her face and she was breathing heavy.

She accio'd the closest bucket to her and threw up her breakfast. She banished the mess again and used a cold cloth on her forehead.

She turned on her side to face the clock. She hadn't even been asleep for an hour before she had a nightmare.

That was the first time she had ever had a nightmare like that. Her nightmares were usually from when she was in Malfoy Manor. 

The thing that was strange, is that Voldemort never won. That nightmare wasn't actually real, but it felt so real. She pinched herself to make sure she was actually her and that Harry had actually won.

She wasn't dreaming. Harry had won, and she was alive. 

Hermione decided it would be best to not fall asleep again. She would need to be tired later anyways. 

She got out of bed and fixed up her hair. She decided it would be nice to go for a walk and visit the library.

It would be mostly empty at this time because everybody else was in class. Now was the perfect time to go. 

She left her dorm and walked down the corridors until she was outside the library doors. She opened the doors and walked into her favourite place in the castle. 

She grabbed her favourite book off the shelf, and walked to the restricted section to read in private. It seems Draco had the same idea because he was sitting at one of the tables there as well.

Hermione sat at the table farthest from from and opened her book. 

Draco turned to see who had just walked into the room. he sneered as he saw Hermione with a book in her hands. Typical. 

He grabbed his book and walked out of the library. 

He didn't want to think about her right now. he has thought of her enough today....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have started mapping out this story. So far I have the first seven chapters


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco does drugs and Hermione gets drunk.

Draco walked out of the library with his book in hand. He walked to the girls lavratory that he knew was abandoned. 

He had gone there during sixth year when things got tough. Myrtle, the ghost, would always listen to everything Draco had to say. He would often listen to stories Myrtle would tell. He was devastated when he heard that Tom Riddle had killed her. 

To no surprise, the bathroom was empty.

He sat down on the floor by one of the sinks and opened his book. He had re-read the book multiple times already. His father called reading a waste of time, but his mother was always there to tell him that he could read whatever he wanted. 

This would be his third time reading the book. It was one of the only stories Draco could somehow connect with. This wasn't any ordinary book. It was the journal or Regulus Arcturus Black. 

He started reading it shortly after he got the dark mark in sixth year. He had found it in the family library. He was also persuaded to get the dark mark at the age of sixteen, but he ended up regretting it later. 

Regulus died doing a heroic act and he betrayed his parents. Draco was just a kid who did as he was told and was too pathetic too do the right thing. 

As he read on in the journal, he learned more about Regulus. They were different in some ways, and similar in others. 

He wished Regulus was still alive today. He would have loved to met him.

Draco got through the first three pages when he saw the blue outline of Myrtle flying towards him. He closed the book and looked up at Myrtle.

She stopped flying when she was a few feet away from Draco. He remembered all the nights he had spent here when he should have been fixing the cabinet. He hadn't seen her in more than a year because he didn't come back for his seventh year.

"Your back." said Myrtle

Draco nodded and looked at the faint scar where the mark is. It had reduced to just a scar outlining the tail and head after Voldemort died, but it was a constant reminder what he had become. Myrtle let him rage about it for hours.

"I don't want to be back here, the people hate me." he said

Myrtle frowned and flew closer to Draco. "I don't mind you being here. I haven't seen anybody in a long time. That bushy-haired muggle-born and her two friends don't visit me anymore." 

Hermione. Myrtle was talking about Hermione. He didn't know that she spoke with Myrtle. 

"I didn't know you talked to them. When was the first time you saw them?" Draco asked

Myrtle went on to explain the thing with the Polyjuice potion in second year. Draco almost laughed when she told him that Hermione used the wrong hair and she turned into a cat. She told him that they turned into Crabbe and Goyle. Now he knew they they were acting so strange that one day.

"Was that the last time you saw them?" he asked

Myrtle giggled and shook her head. "I saw the brown haired boy once during fourth year in the prefects bathroom." 

Draco smirked and put his book away. He wanted to rant about being back at Hogwarts, but he wanted to save that for another day. He would save it for a day when he was mad and felt the need to blow something up.

Myrtle was always going to be there when he needed to rant. She was the one person that he could talk to. 

\---

Hermione was called to the Headmistress's office after she was finished in the library. 

She walked down the hallways and went into the girls lavratory to freshen up. She almost gasped as she saw the bright blonde hair that belonged to Draco Malfoy. 

He was leaning over the counter with a tiny bag in hand and some of the strange substance laid out in a line of the counter.

She watched as he snorted the substance on the counter and put the bag in his pocket.

It was then that she realised, Draco Malfoy had been doing drugs in the bathroom.

She quickly ran out of the bathroom before Draco noticed her. Hermione walked down the halls and up the stairs to the Headmistresses office. 

Mcgonagall was already sitting at her desk when Hermione opened the door.

She walked to one of the seats in front of the desk and sat down. She didn't know why she was being called here. She doesn't think she had been doing anything bad. Not that she would really care anymore.

"Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley mentioned that they don't think you are doing so well. Personally, I don't think you are either." Mcgonagall said after a few minutes of silence.

Of course they mentioned it to Mcgonagall. As much as she loved Harry and Ron, it really wasn't their business how she was doing. 

"I promise that I'm fine. I'm just nervous to be back." she replied.

Mcgonagall shook her head and poured herself another cup of tea. "They said that you would say that." 

How much did they know? She knows they were only trying to help, but she was fine...right?

"Your thin and pale, Miss Granger." added Mcgonagall

Was she thinner? Hermione had been so stressed about the effect of the war and coming back to school that she hadn't paid much attention to her looks. She knew she was pale, but she never paid attention to her weight. 

"I hadn't noticed." replied Hermione

Mcgonagall raised an eyebrow and sipped her tea. She probably didn't believe Hermione, but she wasn't lying. 

"If you think I'm lying, I'm not. I haven't been worried about my physical appearance lately and I didn't think anybody would notice anyways." said Hermione, her tone raising slightly.

Hermione slumped down in her chair and stared down at her lap. 

"I think you should ask Malfoy for my help instead. He looks much worse than me." said Hermione.

She didn't mention the drugs because she didn't want him getting in any trouble. If somebody else told her, than at least she wouldn't feel as guilty. 

Mcgonagall stared at her for a few minutes. It was almost like she was in shock. 

"I know. You're probably wondering why I care. I don't, but I have noticed. I don't think he is doing so well." she said

Mcgonagall nodded and took another sip of her tea. 

Hermione didn't have anything else to say, and it didn't seem as though Mcgonagall had anything else to say. Hermione got up and turned to the door.

"Please consider talking to him. I know he isn't the best person, but he had no choice and he is now struggling with the effects of the war." said Hermione

She didn't say anything else or wait for the Headmistress to reply. She walked out of the door and down the stairs. 

She was grateful that Harry and Ron were looking out for her, but she had everything under control. She would do fine this year and then she would be free. She could get a nice job and settle down somewhere. 

She had it all under control.

Hermione Granger was many things, but lazy was not one of them. She would get through this year with good marks no matter what. 

She walked down the hallways until she was at the entrance to the Gryffindor common room. She whispered the password and walked through the door. The common room was busy because classes were just ending for day. 

She smiled at a few other students in the room and walked up to her dorm. Ginny was with Harry and Padma was with Parvati. She would have the dorm to herself for a few more hours. 

She took out her potions homework and read through the instructions. it took three hours to make, but the instructions weren't too hard to understand. 

She was determined to at least finish this assignment. She needed the dreamless sleep potion as soon as possible. This was possibly the best thing she would learn at Hogwarts.

She grabbed her potions book and walked out of her dorm. She smiled at people as she passed by them again in the common room.

She made her way down the moving staircases and down hallways until she was outside the potions classroom.

She knocked on the door and a few seconds later she was greeted by Professor Slughorn.

He smiled and let her in the room. 

Hermione immediately got to work. She got all the ingredients, prepared the cauldron and opened her book to the proper page. 

Professor Slughorn carefully watched Hermione as she made the potion. He made sure she put in the right amount and the proper ingredients at the right time. 

The potion required a lot of stirring, and it made her arms tired, but she needed this potion and to pass this assignment. 

She put the last ingredient in and stirred for another ten minutes. her arm was limp and she could barely move her arm. Once the ten minutes was up, she took the stick out and fell back in her seat. The potion needed to sit for twenty minutes anyways.

She sat in her seat and let her mind wander for those twenty minutes. She wasn't even sure if Professor Slughorn was still in the room or if she had left. She was barely aware of her surroundings until she heard the beeping of the timer.

She stood up and looked into the cauldron. The potion looked exactly like how it explained in the book. The potion was a deep blue that looked like a deep sea, but there was a bit of a purple that reminded her of lavender. 

Professor Slughorn inspected the potion and smiled. He summoned six empty vials and separated the potion into each one. 

"Congratulations Miss Granger. I haven't seen somebody master this as quick as you in a long time. You should be proud." he said

Hermione smiled and took the vials from him. If only he knew that she was only trying because she didn't want to have nightmares and wake up in the middle of the night to throw up and cry. 

She cleaned up the area she worked in and headed out of the classroom. 

She was glad to have the dreamless sleep potion and she would for sure use it tonight. Hopefully, for once she wouldn't have nightmares.

\---

Mcgonagall put Hermione's words into consideration. She hadn't seen Draco since yesterday and she wasn't going to lie and say he looked better than ever.

Hermione was right when she said he looked worse than she did. He had bags under his eyes, his hair was a mess, he was thin, his eyes were bloodshot, and he was paler than a ghost. 

Now, he was sitting in the same chair as yesterday. Mcgonagall then realised he was waiting for her to say something.

She cleared her throat and began. "I was talking with Miss Granger earlier, and she mentioned that you don't look very well."

Draco scoffed and looked up at the Headmistress. "and why wound Granger care about my wellbeing?"

Mcgonagall shrugged and sipped her tea. "Even though you aren't my favourite student, I will still make sure you are doing well." 

Draco rolled his eyes and slouched back in his chair. "She just feels bad because nobody here likes me. I'm doing fine, and I don't need help." 

As much as he wanted to admit that he was going down a dark path, she was the last person he would tell. She would probably call him crazy and send him to St. Mungo's for treatment. 

St. Mungo's wasn't any better than Hogwarts. They would treat him like a child and a maniac. No matter what he said they would call him crazy. At least here he was treated more as an adult.

"I'm not say you need help, Mr. Malfoy. It was just brought to my attention that you didn't look so well, so I was just asking how you were doing." said Mcgonagall

Draco crossed his arms over his chest and huffed. "I'm perfectly fine. People need to stop acting like I'm so fragile. I have been on my own for months, I think I can handle another year." 

Mcgonagall frowned and nodded.

"If that's all you had to say, I'd like to go now. Unless you want to throw more threats at me." said Draco.

"That's all." she said

Draco stood up and stalked out of the room. While he was walking to the Slytherin common room he kept wondering why Granger would care about him.

There was only one person who truly cared about him, and that was his mother. Granger should be the one hating him and being happy to see him in pain. 

When he got to his dorm, he cast silencing charms on the room and around his bed and cried.

For the first time in a long time the tears fell. He was actually crying.

\---

There was going to be another party in the Gryffindor common room tonight. Only students in year six and up were allowed to come. Apparently, Harry was able to sneak loads of Firewhisky into the school.

Hermione had never tried Firewhisky before, or any type of alcohol. Tonight she planned on trying some for the first time. Maybe she would like it--maybe she wouldn't. 

She also wasn't one who liked to attend parties, but with everything going on already this year, maybe it would help her. 

Harry and Ron were usually the ones who had to convince her to come to parties, but this time she decided it on her own. 

She dressed up in a Gryffindor red, silky dress that showed a bit of cleavage. It hit tightly around her body, and accentuated her slight curved. Normally she would feel very self conscious in a dress like this, but Ginny convinced her that she looked hot. 

She did some light makeup before making her way down the stairs to the common room. This reveal was much different than the one from the Yule Ball. Now she was showing off so much more of her body, and she was partying like a normal teenager.

Ginny agreed to stay with Hermione most of the night. Harry was aware that Ginny was unavailable for the night and he would be stuck with Ron. 

"Ginny, I want to try Firewhisky tonight." said Hermione

Ginny turned to her friend and looked at her like she was crazy.

"Really? Who are you an what have you done with Hermione Granger?" joked Ginny

Hermione chuckled. "I'm the real Hermione, and I'm being serious."

Ginny walked her over to a table and picked up a full bottle of Firewhisky. She walked over to one of the couches and sat down on it. Hermione sat down beside her and put her hands in her lap.

"We can share this between the two of us. Are you sure you want to try this." asked Ginny

Hermione nodded and took the bottle from her. She opened the cap and sniffed the drink. It had a strong smell, but it wasn't the worst thing she had smelt in her life.

She brought the bottle to her lips and took a tiny sip. The liquid burned down her throat, but it sent jolts of energy surging through her body. 

She handed the bottle back to Ginny who took a sip with ease. 

"So, did you like it?" asked Ginny

Hermione nodded and took the bottle from Ginny. She took another small sip and let the alcohol burn down her throat again.

"Do you want a straw for that. It might make it better."

Ginny conjured a straw for Hermione and passed it to her. Hermione put the straw in the bottle and took a sip. The straw made it burn less because she wasn't drinking it as fast. 

Hermione took a few more sips before passing the bottle back to Ginny.

They passed the bottle back and forth until it was empty. Hermione could feel the alcohol take effect almost instantly after the first sip, but she still kept drinking. It probably didn't help that she hadn't had dinner that night.

Hermione asked for another bottle, but Ginny shook her head and took her hand. She brought Hermione back to their dorm and sat her on the bed.

"You're drunk. I'm not letting you drink any more tonight." said Ginny

Hermione pouted and slouched down on her pillows. Ginny came back a few minutes later with a cloth. She placed it on Hermione's head and laid her down on her bed.

"I don't have any hangover potions at the moment, so I will take care of you in the morning. Get some sleep." said Ginny

Hermione nodded and felt her eyes close. The energy she had from drinking was now gone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco is concerned for Hermione. They can never stop looking at each other.

Hermione woke the next morning with a terrible headache and the urge to throw up. 

She wondered why she felt like this, but then she remembered things from last night. She didn't regret anything except for drinking way too much alcohol. 

The urge to throw up was getting stronger and she felt like she was going to burst any second now.

Ginny walked over to her with a bucket and a cold cloth. She placed the cloth of Hermione's head and handed her the bucket.

Hermione grabbed the bucket and leaned over the side of the bed. She held the bucket close to her and threw up. It was mostly liquid because she hadn't ate much the night before.

She began to sweat and a headache was pounding against her temple. 

She felt like shit.

"You got really drunk last night, considering that it was your first time drinking alcohol." Said Ginny

Hermione nodded and hurled into the bucket again. Ginny pushed the cloth against her forehead and held the bucket up for her. 

Hermione leaned her back against her headboard and held the cloth on her forehead. 

"Do you feel any better?" Asked Ginny

Hermione nodded and leaned her head back. 

"I told McGonagall that you weren't feeling very good today. I'm going to bring all your work to you after my classes are over for the day." 

Hermione nodded and got back under her covers. It would be nice to have a day off.

"I will also bring you a hangover potion before lunch."

Ginny smiled and grabbed her things for the day before leaving Hermione alone in their dorm

—-

Draco woke up the next morning from another nightmare. His two roommates, Blasé and Theo, were still sleeping. 

He threw the covers off of him and got off his bed. He had to wake up in less than an hour, so it wasn't even worth it to go back to sleep.

He changed into his Slytherin uniform and sat back down in his bed. He hated being in the uniform again. It was like his past self coming back to laugh st him. He was a reflection of his old self in the uniform

He was trying to change. He didn't want to be the old Draco Malfoy.

It might take a bit if drugs and way too much stress, but he wanted to do it.

He wanted to change.

"Your up early."

He turned around and saw Theo sitting up in his bed.

"Your up too. I could ask you the same question." Said Draco

Theo shrugged and laid back back down.

Draco didn't want to wait another hour in his dorm. He got up and walked out of the Slytherin dungeons. 

The hallways were empty st this hour and they wouldn't fill for at least half an hour.

He walked into the Great Hall and grabbed an apple. There was no point in staying in there.

There was nowhere else to go, so he walked to his first class for the day. He had potions with Professor Slughorn. 

Slughorn was his favourite teacher this year. The other ones wound send him nasty glares and the others wound treat him like a child. Slughorn was the only one who treated him like a decent human being.

He was, to no surprise, the first one in the classroom. Not even the professor was there yet.

He sat at the back of the class and slouched down in his seat. Of course he picked up a green apple. The memories of fourth and sixth year came running back into his mind.

He sighed end took a bite out of his apple. He still had to finish his dreamless sleep potion. The assignment was due in a week and he planned on doing it soon.

He skimmed through the book to see the other potions they would learn this year. He had seen most of them last year, but a few of them were new for him.

None of the potions were really dark like they were last year. Everything was happy and bright.

It was to forget about the past.

The war.

He sighed and closed the book. 

There wasn't much he could do for the next half hour. Professor Slughorn would probably be here in about fifteen minutes, but even then he would be sitting by himself.

Even If Slughorn was his favourite teacher, they didn't talk to each other unless it was necessary. 

He tried to figure out how long into would take to do each of the assignments he had, but after trying to figure that out for a minute he got bored. 

The classroom door opened and the professor walked in. 

"You're early Me. Malfoy." He said

Draco looked up from his textbook. "I couldn't sleep and I wasn't hungry."

The professor nodded and walked to his desk. 

Draco examined everything around the room carefully. There were lots of minor details in the designs on the wall that he wouldn't have cared to notice before.

The school didn't look as old as it actually was. The stones were still holding up the building and the details and paintings on all the walls were still in tact. 

Draco was snapped out of his trance when he heard laughter coming from the door.

Students had just started piling in for their first class of the day. 

Theo smiled and him and slid into the seat beside Draco. 

Draco looked around the room, but he didn't see the brown, bushy hair that belonged to Hermione Granger.

The firs ten minutes of class pass by, but she still doesn't walk through the dooors

Was she alright? Did she get injured? Is she in danger?

No, no. I shouldn't care about her.

He occluded and cleared her from his mind. He needed to pay attention to class if he were to get a good grade.

Professor Slughorn was explaining how to make the dreamless sleep potion because most people who had attempted it before had falied.

He then mentioned that Hermione was the only one who had successfully made I think on their first try so far.

Draco couldn't tell if he smiled or sneered at that comment. 

He would need that potion.

He told himself that he would do it tomorrow. The potion would come in handy, and he wanted to get some as soon as possible. 

He walked out of the classroom once the class was over and head to his next class.

When he sat down with the rest of the students he noticed that Hermione still wasn't there. Hopefully she was fine. 

No. Stop worrying about you. She isn't your friend.

Draco kept reminding himself throughout the day that he shouldn't worry about Hermione, but he couldn't stop his mind from wandering to her.

Theo would ask if he was feeling alright, and he always said he was. He wasn't lying. He was fine, he was just worried about Granger.

—-

Hermione laid in her bed, slowly remembering everything from last night. 

There wouldn't be anything else to do until Ginny came back with the hangover potion. Without it, she would have a terrible headache for the entire day.

She tried doing some of her work, but the headache came back and didn't go away for half an hour. She wasn't going to risk it again.

She smiled as Ginny returned shortly after lunch had started with a potion in her hand.

Hermione took the potion and drank it all in one gulp. The potion took effect almost instantly.

"Do you feel like going to class.?" Ginny asked

Hermione nodded and grabbed her bag.

Ginny smiled and the two of them walked to class together. Their next class was Herbology with Professor Sprout.

When she walked in, she noticed Draco looking around the room. He turned in her direction and their eyes met.

They kept their eyes locked for a few seconds. Hermione blushed and turned around. Ginny looked between the two of them and gasped.

"So...what is this thing you have with ferret boy?" Ginny asked

Hermione lightly hit her arm and turned to Ginny.

"We don't have anything going on between the two of us. I just think we are the same in more than one day. I think we're just trying to figure out each other. I know that I'm still trying to figure him out." Replied Hermione

Ginny smirked and nodded. 

"If you say so. I might not like him very much, but I still want to be the first one to know once you start dating." Joked Ginny

Hermione walked to the back of the classroom and stood in the spot in front of Draco. They looked up at each other again for a second before looking down again.

Professor sprout walked into the room an started explaining what everybody was going to be doing today

Hermione was able to concentrate while also looking at Malfoy through the corner of her eye. It appears that Draco was doing the same thing. 

Everybody began planting their trees and muttering the growing spells. 

At the end of the hour, Draco and Hermione had the tallest trees. One student made a rude remark that Draco had used Dark Magic, but either than that, everybody else seemed proud. 

Hermione saw Draco smile for the first time this year. It lasted for less than a second, but it was there. 

Everybody picked up their books and walked out of the classroom. Hermione stopped Draco on his way out and turned him around. He pulled his arm away from her and sneered.

"Your tree looks great." she said

Draco smirked. "Thanks. Yours doesn't look too bad either."

He didn't call her a mudblood or any other cruel names.

She thought about that moment the rest of the day. He hadn't called her a mudblood. He used to throw around that insult like it was a common word. Now he hadn't said it. 

Why hadn't he called her it? Did he not use that word anymore?

Hermione had so many questions. It's not like she could go up to Draco and ask every single one. He would probably push her away.

She sighed and walked to the library. She needed to study a few things for her upcoming Ancient Runes assignment. 

Harry and Ron offered to study with her, but she told them she preferred to study alone. They had insisted that they come with her, but Hermione made them stay in the common room.

\---

Draco was still confused on why Hermione had came to talk with him. It was a short conversation, but it still happened. 

Why had she talked to him? Was she plotting something? Was she just trying to be nice?

He had so many questions that made his head spin. 

Why did Granger have to confuse him more than she already had. Was she trying to provoke him?

He wondered about her more than enough and it was only the third day of school. She must have been purposely doing that.

Right?

Draco couldn't even tell what her motives were anymore, but whatever they were, they were pissing him off. 

He sighed and pulled out a piece of paper and a quill. 

Dear mother,

I am really confused right now. I'm can't tell if I'm more pissed, or if I'm more confused.

I can't stop thinking about Granger. She still looks as bad as me. I have so many questions to ask, but I don't want to go up to her. She would probably get McGonagall to expel me.

She walked up to me after class and said I did a great job with my tree. Why would she want to talk to me? Do you think she has forgiven me?

That just added onto my list of questions.

I'm confused. Please help.

Also tell me how things are going at home. I don't hear much here and I want to make sure you are ok. 

Love, your desperate son, Draco

Draco sighed and folded up the letter before giving it to his owl. The owl flew out the window and flew in the direction of Malfoy Manor.

Hopefully his mother would have some answers to his questions. She was really good with things like this. 

Was he starting to like Hermione Granger?

Draco cringed at the thought and raced to the library. He needed to get his mind of Hermione for one bloody minutes.

To top his day off, Hermione Granger was sitting in the library at his favourite table. He clenched his fists and walked down one of the isles. 

He picked up a book on mythical creatures and checked it out before heading to the Slytherin Common room. 

He planned on reading in the library, but of course Hermione had to be there. How could he have forgotten that her face was always in a book. 

\---

After Hermione was done in the library, she checked out the book and walked to the Gryffindor common room.

Ron and Harry were sitting on the couch. They were talking to each other in low voices, but they stopped talking once they saw Hermione.

She tilted her head to the side and looked at her two friends. 

"You're back!" said Ron

Hermione nodded slowly and raised one of her eyebrows. 

"Can we talk to you. In private." asked Harry

Ron and Harry stood up from the couch and walked up one of the staircases. They went into Ron and Harry's shared dorm and locked the door. 

Hermione wondered what was going on as she sat down on the bed and folded her hands in her lap. 

"Is everything alright?" asked Hermione

Ron and Harry looked at each other before turning back to Hermione.

"I know we have asked this before, but are you actually doing ok? You have been so...distant recently." said Harry

Hermione sighed and looked at her lap. "I'm fine. I just have nightmares sometimes. I'm pretty sure everybody else is having them too."

Ron and Harry glanced at each other with confused glances. 

"Actually no. Your the only one who appears to still have nightmares. Even Harry hasn't had a nightmare in months." said Ron.

That couldn't be right. People couldn't have moved past the nightmares as well already. She couldn't possibly be the only one still having nightmares. 

"How would you know that?" she asked

"Some of us get together every weekend and use Veritaserum so we know we aren't lying and we can let out any feelings that we need to. We ask you to come, but you never do." said Harry.

Now that she thought about it, she did remember Harry mentioning that once. She didn't think that they actually went.

"Oh..." she said after a minute of silence.

"Are you sure you don't want to speak with McGonagall. She can help." said Ron

Hermione shook her head. "I don't want to stress her out. She already has to work on rebuilding Hogwarts and cleaning up after the war."

Harry sighed and put his hand on her shoulder. "You know that we are always here for you, right." 

Hermione nodded and smiled. "Thanks. I really should go now. I have lots of work to do."

Harry moved to the side and let Hermione pass by him. She sighed once she got out of the room.

Was she really the only one still having nightmares. She thought that Harry would at least be having nightmares still because he had to fight you-know-who, but no. He seemed to be perfectly fine.

Why. Couldn't. She. Seem. To. Move. On?

She was so confused. How had everybody moved on so quick?

Instead of doing her work, she laid in bed and went over all the questions in her head before occluding and shoving them all into a book on one of her shelves. 

What was so different about her?

Was Draco still having nightmares?

When did the nightmares stop for everybody else?

The questions kept popping into her head as she occluded. She groaned and rolled onto her bed. Peace seemed to be a luxury these days. Even her mind couldn't leave her alone for one minute of the day.

She clenched and un-clenched her fists at her side and attempted to fall asleep.

She could only hope for a good afternoon nap. She wanted to save the dreamless sleep potions for later. Hermione prayed that she wouldn't have a nightmare.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if this is going to be a short story or a long story


End file.
